


Contrast

by unsettled



Category: Body of Lies (2008)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-20
Updated: 2010-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-11 04:24:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsettled/pseuds/unsettled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Now you're looking for something else. Something as different from her as you can find."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contrast

"Now you're looking for something else. Something as different from her as you can find."

_No_, he thinks. _Not really_. Because he already has something as different from his wife – his ex wife – as he could ever possibly hope to find. Who looks nothing like her and sounds nothing like her and acts nothing, nothing like her at all, hell, isn't even the same sex, and there's not even the barest sense in comparing the two of them. Hani is … Hani shares, can share, all the parts of him, of his life, that he never shared with her, and the ones he did as well. Kissing Hani is nothing like kissing her, sex with Hani is nothing like sex with her, and talking to Hani – treading an entirely different line of careful words and watching his language and loading everything with a different kind of weight, wanting to impress Hani so badly he has to curb his words, feeling the edge of fear in all their interactions – that's _nothing_ like her, and there's certainly no band of ownership of his finger, despite the all the promises he's made.

But it's nothing like Aisha either.

"Something impossible."

And there might be something more than a little impossible about it, about the fact that he being _literally_ fucked by his boss, than he'd like to admit. Something that makes him wonder just how it's going to end, and when – though never how, because he knows how. It's going to end badly, and never mind that Hani has too much self control to let things get … unpleasant between them; despite his utter lack of control in allowing himself to kiss Roger back that first time, allowing Roger to even consider such a possibility, he's never really let his control go since. It's going to end badly, because Hani will be the one to end it, the one to see that it won't work out, that it will only bring trouble, and Hani's capable of making the hard decisions without the regrets Roger harbours. At least Roger hopes he is. And if Hani ends it – Roger knows, he _knows_ that he's not going to handle it as gracefully as Hani, because he's letting himself get too involved, he's letting himself fall too far; he has already.

Sometimes, sometimes, even when he's lying next to Hani and utterly sated and enthralled in watching smoke curl from Hani's mouth, he wants some shred of normalcy, of something that's not going to swallow him up and become his everything, something he could call sane by any normal standard – except it's not, not when he has to start constructing the lie tighter and tighter around himself with each passing day just to pass for normal – wants it despite the inevitable falling apart, the inevitable questions he can't answer.

Hani wouldn't understand why he follows Aisha down the hall and makes a persistent nuisance of himself until he gets a yes, and maybe- maybe- that's why he does it.

Because Hani doesn't own him.


End file.
